A Ponzi scheme to call our own April 24, 2009

Thanks to tax payer protector and crusader of bailout transparency, Inspector General Neil Barofsky, under the guide of the ever-noble Obama administration, Tennessee is in the headlines as the home to the first exposed government bailout related criminal case.  Franklin’s very own, Gordon Grigg, was accused by the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Nashville on Wednesday for his creation of a $10.9 million fraudulent investment scheme. 

In wake of the recent $750 billion government bank bailout known as TARP (Troubled Asset Relief Program) Grigg was able to swindle unassuming investors into investing in government backed bank dept.  Sounds like a great plan, buy low and secure, banks start lending again and profits soar.  Unfortunately, this investment proposal was nothing more than a mirage.  Investor returns were paid with the dollars of subsequent investors, not the profits of their investment.

what a handsome devil

 

 

Guess it pays to do your homework. According to the Tennessean, Grigg’s hasn’t been a registered or licensed investor in Tennessee since 2005. But, you can’t blame the unfortunate fools for trusting this charlatan, he’s a self-proclaimed “life-coach” and a far from suspicious equivalent to the American dream: a successful business man, investment broker, family man and all around God fearing, handsome devil who coached kid soccer of all things.  Just read his self-righteous bio on his ironically named investment corporation ProTrust’s website. 

 So the guy seemed like a gem with an enticing investment plan, but don’t be fooled by the Southern charm, Tennessee can play with the big boys on Wall Street; we’re just as greedy and twisted as the Bernie Madoff’s of the world.   

Cuba, the Commie Cure to our Economic Woes April 24, 2009

Last week, President Barack Obama took a stride towards a kinder, more gentle nation by easing restrictions regarding travel to and money sent to the little commie-island of Cuba. But don’t pack your bags for a Cuban vacation yet my WASPy little friends; at current the eased restrictions for travel to Cuba only applies to those who have family in our cigar-smoking neighbor to the South.

 

In addition to eased regulations regarding travel and monetary export from the United States to Cuba, the Obama administration is allowing United States telecommunication firms to set-up shop in Cuba (granted Cuba will allow such modernist democratic luxuries), the first big step towards terminating one of the world’s longest standing economic embargos.

 

Our liberal humanitarian president has better intention in mind; through improved relations with Cuba the United States hopes to influence Cuba’s communist regime to follow our democratic lead.  I suppose we believe that if the United States allows Cuba to again pursue economic exchange with us that Cuba will finally, after years as a socialist state see the light of democracy, which they have so vehemently resisted in past years—all this by the powerful force yielded at the gracious hand of our honorable Barack Obama. 

 

We’re trying a new method, Obama isn’t policing Cuba like we did in the 50s and 60s, but just giving them a gentle nudge in the right direction, that direction being democratic of course, because as any true red, white and blue-blooded American knows, democracy is the life-blood of any stable modern nation… seems to be working for us. 

 

So while you United Nations liberals sing the praises of our humanitarian superman who labors so that these oppressed communist Cubans may be able to experience the swank of a mobile phone and republicanized individualism, I think we should consider the real motive.  Money. 

 

It’s no secret that America’s economy is about as rich as Australian farmland. So what a better ploy to increase export and exchange than reignite economic relations with this labile nation?  We’ll take any financial boost we can worm our fingers around at this point and if that means opening the trade flood gates with a nation that wanted to blow us to smitherizes about 50 years ago, who cares?  Who remembers the Cuban Missile Crisis anyways?  Do they even teach children about conflicts that were not resolved in America’s favor?

 

As such, Barack Obama will be seen as the great liberator who mended decades of tarnished international relations and refinished world perspective of America. Good intentions as they may be, what gall do we have to suspect that Cuba will dance at our wedding, that they should jump at our offer and fail to see that the United States is still trying to influence the world order and make every country a little America, a little version of ourselves, that we can maneuver and bleed for our own economic advantage. It didn’t work in Vietnam, it didn’t work in the Bay of Pigs and it damn sure isn’t working in Iraq and Afghanistan.

 

But hey, maybe those commies will see the futility of their socialistic ideals and revert back to capitalism, the very hell they were running from in the first place. Maybe?  And should they, let it be known that our intentions were not so selfless, we were only grasping for a thread of monetary hope under the guise that we may influence communist Cuba to liberate their people with cell phones and tourism.   

Mule Daze April 7, 2009

If it’s safe to say that any good morning starts with a mimosa, then I was secured success at 9:30 am last Saturday.  On a perfect spring morning I made my way south towards Columbia, TN, for Mule Day, arriving just before the roads closed for the Mule Day Parade, the peak of the four day festival of everything mules.   

Mule Day has been a Tennessee tradition since 1840, an attraction that draws more than 200,000 people each year.  Columbia is the “Mule Capital” of the world; and for those of you who don’t know, mules are a cross between a female horse and a male donkey, which results in an almost always infertile hybrid that is most often used for labor.  The festival is famous for its various mule competitions, square dances, and of course political appearances.  

 

Election buzz in the air, any Republican gubernatorial candidate worth his salt was present. I caught a glimpse of US Congressman Zach Wamp and Lt Gov Ron Ramsey, both trekking the parade alongside mule teams and Knoxville Mayor Bill Haslam, riding a dapple grey horse and donning a pretty sweet suede vest monogrammed “Haslam for Governor” (I guess with $3 million plus in the campaign bank he can afford to upgrade from the basic Haynes T-shirt). 

 

I wrapped-up the day at former TN State Representative Tommy DuBois’s annual party, this year a muted version of the usually rollicking mule party.  Tommy’s party received media attention last year as a result of some under-aged drinkers who were snapped up by police after leaving the DuBois house. 

 

Last year Tommy was up for re-election and it is rumored that his opposition’s (Ty Cobb) camp put a sting on the party last year to derail Tommy’s campaign.  As it was, Tommy lost his seat in a surprise upset against firefighter and bible boy Ty Cobb. 

 

In an effort to avoid any such negative press this year the party was invitation only and staffed by three police officers.  No alcohol was served, but that’s not to say that the vast majority of those people of legal drinking age weren’t drinking, they certainly were (it ain’t mule day if you’re not a little under the influence)—just doing so out of red Solo cups (good luck finding one, they were a elusive commodity) —quite the contrary of last year’s five keg debacle. 

 

Though the party wasn’t the hell-raising good time seen in past years, there was still a fine time had by all, maybe just a little more by the kids in the moonwalk than the adults this year.  The important thing is people were still partying, because as any Maury Countian will tell you, Mule Day isn’t about the mules, it’s about the parties.