To 21st Century Shoot Outs June 17, 2009

As this guns in bars business seems to be the hottest topic on my political radar short of some silly email circulating from a Diane Black staffer, I’ll throw originality to the wind and offer my little rant on this subject we can’t seem to get enough of.  

This morning I sat with the Tennessean, reading an article that basically said how restaurant and bar owners think it is bat-shit-crazy to let anyone toting a gun into their establishments.  None of these proprietors seemed to have any idea how a business owner could stand to gain by inviting someone with heat in their holster in for a drink. 

There I sat, further mystified in my understanding of why our legislature chose to instate such an antiquated policy.  So I mulled it over.  If the individuals who graciously offer us watering holes have nothing but complaints to offer and nothing to gain… then who does “guns in bars” benefit anyway? Okay, okay, besides lobbyists.

Yes, a high population of gun-loving Tennesseans want to exercise their second amendment rights, and rightly so.  I understand the logic that people want, have and can exercise the right to bear arms—whether that is something I agree with or not.  Wonderful. Please do wave that constitution and that gun high into the air, just not around me or in the bar.

I can see why people feel compelled to bring a firearm to a place that serves alcohol.  They may need to defend themselves against another person who does not have the self-control or sobriety to keep their pistol below the bar. I guess that’s called warding off violence by perpetuating a threat of violence? Makes total sense, right?  

There must be some reason for this legislation that I am too clouded in disbelief to see.  There must be something other than the will of the state legislature to support some NRA agenda, to flex the muscle of the majority and pass any nonsensical legislation they so please because they are the big boys with big guns?

Please someone wake me from this dream before it becomes a nightmare, before the grievous error of this legislation is realized, until one evening on the 6 o’clock news we listen to the report that someone was gunned down at a local bar. Then together we’ll all let loose a cliché sigh, “It was just a matter of time.” “I knew that would happen.” 

While it is stunning that such legislation will take effect in a matter of weeks and the whistle of stray bullets may overpower the stale echo of the honky-tonks on lower Broad.  I can only hope that the proprietors will tack “no guns” signs to their door fronts.  If not, I better get registered. I’ll need to defend myself.

12 years is a long time in a filthy labor camp June 10, 2009

News broke this Monday that two American journalists, Laura Ling and Euna Lee, have been sentenced to “12 years of reform through hard labor.”  The pair stood trial last week in North Korean Central Court after being arrested for “illegal border crossing and hostile acts” while covering defectors along the N Korea/China border.

Though this sentence seems brutal and unimaginable, the likelihood these two women serve this punishment is slim to none.  We hope. 

The US solution: dispatch green crusader, freedom fighter and ever growing Tennessee legend, Al Gore, to the plea for their release on humanitarian grounds.  While it is a noble goal to free the journalistas on humanitarian grounds—do we honestly think these trigger happy anti-Americans are going to release these chicks on the altruistic nature of their hearts?

North Korea is going to run a hard bargain and in the light of US and world tensions with the infamous communist power, it’s no surprise.  The US is considering placing North Korea back on the terror list and imposing financial sanctions as a result of the UN’s recent nuclear test. 

Just last week North Korea launched a series of missiles, one such missile could have the potential to reach the US.  These missile firings violated UN security sanctions.

While the administration pledges to keep negotiations with North Korea isolated to the fate of the journalists; that is close to impossible.  Should Gore or former US ambassador to the UN, New Mexico Governor, Bill Richardson, fail to secure the freedom of the pair Americans are going to fly into a frothing fervor of freedom—a wail that will not be satisfied until these two set foot on American soil.

 Tickers beat across the screen of every major news network in the US with images of these girls.  The media is playing to our compassion, and if these American beauties go down in some axe grinding prison camp American citizens are going to flip. 

So our question now becomes, not will they be released, but when and under what concessions?

A Ponzi scheme to call our own April 24, 2009

Thanks to tax payer protector and crusader of bailout transparency, Inspector General Neil Barofsky, under the guide of the ever-noble Obama administration, Tennessee is in the headlines as the home to the first exposed government bailout related criminal case.  Franklin’s very own, Gordon Grigg, was accused by the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Nashville on Wednesday for his creation of a $10.9 million fraudulent investment scheme. 

In wake of the recent $750 billion government bank bailout known as TARP (Troubled Asset Relief Program) Grigg was able to swindle unassuming investors into investing in government backed bank dept.  Sounds like a great plan, buy low and secure, banks start lending again and profits soar.  Unfortunately, this investment proposal was nothing more than a mirage.  Investor returns were paid with the dollars of subsequent investors, not the profits of their investment.

what a handsome devil

 

 

Guess it pays to do your homework. According to the Tennessean, Grigg’s hasn’t been a registered or licensed investor in Tennessee since 2005. But, you can’t blame the unfortunate fools for trusting this charlatan, he’s a self-proclaimed “life-coach” and a far from suspicious equivalent to the American dream: a successful business man, investment broker, family man and all around God fearing, handsome devil who coached kid soccer of all things.  Just read his self-righteous bio on his ironically named investment corporation ProTrust’s website. 

 So the guy seemed like a gem with an enticing investment plan, but don’t be fooled by the Southern charm, Tennessee can play with the big boys on Wall Street; we’re just as greedy and twisted as the Bernie Madoff’s of the world.   

Cuba, the Commie Cure to our Economic Woes April 24, 2009

Last week, President Barack Obama took a stride towards a kinder, more gentle nation by easing restrictions regarding travel to and money sent to the little commie-island of Cuba. But don’t pack your bags for a Cuban vacation yet my WASPy little friends; at current the eased restrictions for travel to Cuba only applies to those who have family in our cigar-smoking neighbor to the South.

 

In addition to eased regulations regarding travel and monetary export from the United States to Cuba, the Obama administration is allowing United States telecommunication firms to set-up shop in Cuba (granted Cuba will allow such modernist democratic luxuries), the first big step towards terminating one of the world’s longest standing economic embargos.

 

Our liberal humanitarian president has better intention in mind; through improved relations with Cuba the United States hopes to influence Cuba’s communist regime to follow our democratic lead.  I suppose we believe that if the United States allows Cuba to again pursue economic exchange with us that Cuba will finally, after years as a socialist state see the light of democracy, which they have so vehemently resisted in past years—all this by the powerful force yielded at the gracious hand of our honorable Barack Obama. 

 

We’re trying a new method, Obama isn’t policing Cuba like we did in the 50s and 60s, but just giving them a gentle nudge in the right direction, that direction being democratic of course, because as any true red, white and blue-blooded American knows, democracy is the life-blood of any stable modern nation… seems to be working for us. 

 

So while you United Nations liberals sing the praises of our humanitarian superman who labors so that these oppressed communist Cubans may be able to experience the swank of a mobile phone and republicanized individualism, I think we should consider the real motive.  Money. 

 

It’s no secret that America’s economy is about as rich as Australian farmland. So what a better ploy to increase export and exchange than reignite economic relations with this labile nation?  We’ll take any financial boost we can worm our fingers around at this point and if that means opening the trade flood gates with a nation that wanted to blow us to smitherizes about 50 years ago, who cares?  Who remembers the Cuban Missile Crisis anyways?  Do they even teach children about conflicts that were not resolved in America’s favor?

 

As such, Barack Obama will be seen as the great liberator who mended decades of tarnished international relations and refinished world perspective of America. Good intentions as they may be, what gall do we have to suspect that Cuba will dance at our wedding, that they should jump at our offer and fail to see that the United States is still trying to influence the world order and make every country a little America, a little version of ourselves, that we can maneuver and bleed for our own economic advantage. It didn’t work in Vietnam, it didn’t work in the Bay of Pigs and it damn sure isn’t working in Iraq and Afghanistan.

 

But hey, maybe those commies will see the futility of their socialistic ideals and revert back to capitalism, the very hell they were running from in the first place. Maybe?  And should they, let it be known that our intentions were not so selfless, we were only grasping for a thread of monetary hope under the guise that we may influence communist Cuba to liberate their people with cell phones and tourism.   

Mule Daze April 7, 2009

If it’s safe to say that any good morning starts with a mimosa, then I was secured success at 9:30 am last Saturday.  On a perfect spring morning I made my way south towards Columbia, TN, for Mule Day, arriving just before the roads closed for the Mule Day Parade, the peak of the four day festival of everything mules.   

Mule Day has been a Tennessee tradition since 1840, an attraction that draws more than 200,000 people each year.  Columbia is the “Mule Capital” of the world; and for those of you who don’t know, mules are a cross between a female horse and a male donkey, which results in an almost always infertile hybrid that is most often used for labor.  The festival is famous for its various mule competitions, square dances, and of course political appearances.  

 

Election buzz in the air, any Republican gubernatorial candidate worth his salt was present. I caught a glimpse of US Congressman Zach Wamp and Lt Gov Ron Ramsey, both trekking the parade alongside mule teams and Knoxville Mayor Bill Haslam, riding a dapple grey horse and donning a pretty sweet suede vest monogrammed “Haslam for Governor” (I guess with $3 million plus in the campaign bank he can afford to upgrade from the basic Haynes T-shirt). 

 

I wrapped-up the day at former TN State Representative Tommy DuBois’s annual party, this year a muted version of the usually rollicking mule party.  Tommy’s party received media attention last year as a result of some under-aged drinkers who were snapped up by police after leaving the DuBois house. 

 

Last year Tommy was up for re-election and it is rumored that his opposition’s (Ty Cobb) camp put a sting on the party last year to derail Tommy’s campaign.  As it was, Tommy lost his seat in a surprise upset against firefighter and bible boy Ty Cobb. 

 

In an effort to avoid any such negative press this year the party was invitation only and staffed by three police officers.  No alcohol was served, but that’s not to say that the vast majority of those people of legal drinking age weren’t drinking, they certainly were (it ain’t mule day if you’re not a little under the influence)—just doing so out of red Solo cups (good luck finding one, they were a elusive commodity) —quite the contrary of last year’s five keg debacle. 

 

Though the party wasn’t the hell-raising good time seen in past years, there was still a fine time had by all, maybe just a little more by the kids in the moonwalk than the adults this year.  The important thing is people were still partying, because as any Maury Countian will tell you, Mule Day isn’t about the mules, it’s about the parties. 

Bucking the Blame March 20, 2009

All across America and the world, on every news station, on every front page are three letters: AIG. The resonance of these three letters has been burned into my brain with a fervor that I can no longer ignore.  We all remember the massive federal bailouts of banking institutions this past fall.  Well one of the big banks that got a big piece of that pie was AIG (American International Group)—to the tune of about $170 BILLION.  Come to find that executives at AIG received bonuses totaling $165 million, chump change to the size of the federal bailout taxpayers were so kind to deliver, but still nothing to toss to the wind.  The taxpayers have gone mad, furious in what has become a media firestorm and public meltdown.

 

Yesterday, in a political ploy to satisfy and squelch the outcry, the US House of Representatives passed legislation that would tax 90% of bonuses given to AIG executives, as well as any other companies that received more than $5 billion in federal bailout money.  The US Senate is drafting legislation that would levy a proposed 35% excise (tax on the company) tax.  Sounds good, right?  There’s a bit more to the story and two sides to every argument, especially those that take place in the halls of our congress. 

 

I think that everyone in Washington will agree that this situation is pathetic and dire at best, and that executives who are responsible for the failure of these giant entities, which has thrown our economy into a flaming pit of despair, should not be granted bonuses; however, it is just to note that we gave them these bonuses.  CONGRESS passed the hasty legislation, with little to no regulation on how bailout dollars were to be spent, that granted AIG and similar companies these bonuses.  Yes, Congress, (which is now calling for this potentially un-lawful and isolated taxation) under the influence Obama’s bosom buddy and pet, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, created a loop-hole in the bailout legislation that permitted the pay of executive bonuses.   

 

While troves of people in the US are demanding the names of executives released and their first born, there lies blame in our government.  Perhaps if congress had taken the time to pass thoughtful legislation the first time they would not be in their current position, going back to remedy their mistakes while passing the blame to AIG executives who are doing nothing but exercising the greed we are well aware they imbibe.  While representatives and senators battle one another on the chamber floors, wasting time that could be spent on pressing issues such as the state of our battered economy, they are wrestling over how to recoup the petty bonuses of these executives. 

 

Now, please understand that I am not advocating the pay of bonuses—these bonuses are exorbitant and should not be paid with tax payer dollars.  I am saying that before we go attacking these people and threatening their lives we should consider the means by which their pay is delivered, and that is at the hands of our government—in the manipulation of Timothy Geithner, the votes of our elected officials. 

 

It makes me wonder, if this info had not leaked through the media and created the massive public outcry we see today, would our leaders in congress even be berating these executives?  Calling for their heads?  Stating that they should “resign or commit suicide” as top ranking Senate Republic Charles Grassley said.  I think not, and it gives me little faith to think that if the media had not offered this information to all of us, we may never know that our tax dollars were being used in such a way.  

A Global Solution March 5, 2009

It was poetry yesterday on the House floor as British Prime Minister Gordon Brown addressed a joint-session congress on the state of the world economy.  I had no idea what eloquence and emotion this man could yield—and no, it’s not just the accent. Perhaps his grace should be attributed to the brilliance of his speech writer, but his presence, his calm, his wisdom, his inspiration was enrapturing. 

Multiple times in his 45 minute speech the Right Honourable Brown was interrupted by standing ovations, and perhaps that bi-partisan mass of legislators was disingenuous in their applause, but most of them must have felt the dignity in his speech, the chill up their spine and the real “hope” he exuded without so much as whispering the word.

“Combat our fear of the future, with our faith in the future,” he said. 

Brown commented on an array of issues, including a call for Iran to dispel their nuclear program, a world trade agreement, comprehensive action on climate change and a call to action for the UN to combat genocide.  He pushed support of the sciences and new technologies to encourage us to “educate our way out of the downturn.”

He gushed over the greatness of this country (such optimism we should hear more of in the media and from our own elected officials) and the bond between the UK and US based on our experiences over the years, in particular highlighting our aid to the allies in WWI and WWII.  

But the essence of his speech was not to embellish the glory of our country or his, or to detail the specifics that are affecting our economic crisis, but to stress that the economic crisis is global and global problems need global solutions.   In support of this global facilitation, he offered that European leadership is pro-American and wants to cooperate and work with the US (contrary to some adversarial notions of years past). 

Minister Brown did much to decorate the idea of global economy, specifically highlighting the benefits for human rights, universal regulation of the banking system, a stabilized economy and broad environmental and climate change solutions, etc. While his neoliberal ideals seem good and well, American protectionism will create a coarse friction in the fruition of such world unification. 

Please know that I am far from an economist, but it is my understanding that protectionists or anti-globalists fear that, among MANY other things, globalization will damage the threshold for American jobs, production and trade.  We could even go as far as to call such anti-globalization a form of muted nationalism that breeds fear America may lose status as the world power, lose territory or even that we may be influenced by other cultures, their religion, their ethics, morals, etc. 

Whatever the reason for such anti-global, protectionist ideals, I am hard pressed to understand why one would cling to such solidarity.  Perhaps I cannot relate because I have not seen a world war, or I do not comprehend the “danger” of free trade, but I can only assume that America cannot function outside of the world economy, nor can any large economy for that matter. 

It’s true that markets are contingent upon each other, so why would we not want to have some form of unified regulation, a team effort?  If we really hope to rehabilitate America’s economy we must address this fact: without the stabilization of foreign markets America’s economy cannot recover; in order to do so, we must rehabilitate the whole as a whole. 

Like it or not, the G20 summit in London is less than a month away and  regardless of the extent of America’s role in a global economy, or “group effort,” Americans must acknowledge that we are effected by and a part of the world economy; it is not something we can escape and we will find no solution, no mend to our broken wings, in solidarity.  

 

 

Foreigner! February 13, 2009

Reading the paper this morning I came across a ludacris little article about four Tennessee State Representatives who are chasing a helpless conspiracy theory that I can only assume they hope will remove President Barack Obama from political office.  Representatives Eric Swafford (R- Pikeville), Stacey Campfield (R- Knoxville), Glen Casada (R- College Grove) and Frank Nicely (R- Strawberry Plains) have agreed to be plaintiffs in a legal suit questioning if President Barack Obama meets the congressional requirments to be president. 

This group of lawmakers is calling for the President to turn over his birth certificate and any other documents to prove his citizenship.  Are you kidding me? 

Despite the fact that a similar lawsuit was rejected by the U.S. Supreme Court earlier this year, the Defend our Freedoms Foundation is not discouraged and plans (though they have not yet filed) to file a lawsuit disputing the President’s citizenship. 

This last-ditch effort to oust our President is laughable at best.  It is not only pitiful but really quite embarrasing that elected officials in this fine state of Tennessee could possibly believe that the U.S. Government could be so negligent as to lack verification of the credentials needed to be elected the President of the United States, before he was elected President of the United States. 

Sad really, to give so little credit to the American people that they could be fooled by this callous manipulator, the supposed Barack “Hussein” Obama, this Barry Soetoro.  To think that he has pulled the veil over the majority of voters eyes and pulled off the greatest forgery in American political history.  Stunning. 

Now let’s say that in some kind of miraculous fantasy world this theory that Obama is a “foreigner” is valid, what then?  Do we oust him from office, exile him back to Indonesia or Kenya or wherever such place these conspiracy theorist believe him to be a citizen?  Yes! Grab the telephone, dial McCain and bellow the news that it was all a mistake and really he was meant to be our leader not some spineless lying Democrat. Rig up the golden chariot, swoop up McCain, rush him to the oval office, all the while red streamers spinning down from the heavens in a sparkling right wing hay day.  It was all a bad dream and the evil foreigner is expelled, ne’er to torment this country and its nieve citizens again! 

Right, I won’t hold my breath.

The Cat’s last meow January 28, 2009

I just learned that beloved east-side institution, the Alley Cat Lounge, is CLOSED. BOO.  The Alley Cat opened in 2003, one of the first casual-dining and drinking establishments east-side of the Cumberland.  Always good for a tasty salad and a shot, the Alley Cat will be missed.  Thanks recession.

Heads Roll at the Tennessee House January 21, 2009

My gross delay in blogging was set to remedy today in my idea to write a little piece on tomorrow’s special election for English Only.  Though English Only is a massive and pressing issue that could potentially effect the people, government and outside perception of our fine city in a very big and bad way, this morning I came across a much “sexier” topic.  

 

Kent Williams wins Speaker

Two weeks ago the name Kent Williams, meant just about nothing to just about everyone besides a few yokels out in Elizabethton.  But the political table-flipping that occurred last week, and yesterday in particular, in the Tennessee House of Representatives has Kent Williams’ name painted in every rag in Tennessee and it ain’t been purdy.  

 

Last week, in what would become one of the biggest shockers in Tennessee politics, presumed Speaker of the House Jason Mumpower lost to the party-crossing Kent Williams in a narrow race for speaker.  Williams, a Republican, joined 49 Democrats and voted for himself to defeat Mumpower.

Much to the chagrin of Mumpower and house republicans Williams has maintained this position, despite fruitless schemes to oust him from the party on some random charge or the other.  However, all Republican attempts are not lost. Yesterday a memo, penned by Mumpower in April of 2007, made the news. 

 

Representative Susan Lynn

The memo states that in March of 2007 after a legislative reception, a boozy Williams approached Representative Susan Lynn, R- Mt. Juliet, and told her she was beautiful AND… 

 

“I will give you a weeks pay just to see you naked.”

Supposedly, Williams later apologized for the incident and said it wouldn’t happen again.  

Now, House Speaker Williams is singing a different tune.  In a written statement yesterday afternoon Williams says:  I have never sexually harassed anyone nor have I been reprimanded for such behavior.  

Mumpower’s political name smearing is no doubt a personal jab, but also a last ditch effort by House Republicans to dispel Williams from power. The convenient timing of the lascivious memo is picture perfect.  

Williams seems to be on a quest to disassociate with the fellow members of his party and continues to infuriate his Republican counterparts with his political associations with Democrats like former Democratic House Speaker Jimmy Naifeh.

It was announced that Representative Naifeh, is now the “Speaker Emeritus.” As Speaker Emeritus, Naifeh will maintain close contact with Williams, a position many house Republicans fear to be too close for comfort.  

With Naifeh an ornament in Williams’ office, the legislative schedule may reflect a more Democratic agenda.  And if Naifeh maintains influence over the House Speaker, it appears that Republicans, though in the majority for the first time since Civil War reconstruction, will lose their new found power over the legislative agenda.  

Heads have been rolling at the Tennessee Legislature and given the axe to fall in the hand of a House Republican, we all know which one gets chopped first.